Macarthur Square Escorts & Adult Services
Uni student pink pussy ! Bbbj included!
Hi guys. I’m ashy, 19 years old uni student. I’m planning for a big trip end of the year and have to prepare now 🥰
i hope you’ll love my contrast dressing style. Sometimes I’m your cute JK girl friend, sometimes I’m your sexy lover. Depends on where we go.
youll feel like fall in love if you book long time, and passionate sex for shot time meeting.
book me now with your need 😃
New arrived gym babe
Hi guys. I’m your gym babe, 20 years old
I love to pamper and please, and nothing makes me happier than knowing that you are having the time of your life! I want to make you feel like a king...I want you to see that you are enjoying every moment in my company, perhaps, you can tell me what you like? I will do my best to satisfy you.
E Cup!NEW Girl🔥Everyday, GFE with HOT Extra, Book & CUM Now
Welcome Baby~
This is Erena
100% Satisfaction & Good Time~
Discreet & Comfort, Shower available too~
- ANYTHING Goes, GFE, IN/OUTCALL!
Amazing Natura E Cup and Super good Look. Model Body and Super Naughty
Don't be deceived by my age, I know how to make you feel good~ From a nice conversations, Japanese massage to amazing SEX Adventures.
If you are looking to the ultimate Kinky Naughty and intimate GFE, You have just found me! I am here to cater all your needs, Hosting or I can visit your place.
All my service are NO Rush and accommodate to your needs~ Aiming to get your orgasm.
Full Service
30 mins / $250
45 mins / $350
60 mins / $450
Outcall from $550 an hour
11am to 2 am everyday~
Extra Service to be discussed...
Text me~
New arrived ! If fake I pay you
Hi babe. My name is QMU, just arrived Melbourne and just plan to have a short stay here. It’s very cold here and let’s warm each other.
I have D cup boob and warm body and heart. I’ll treat you as my boyfriend. We will be stay in a clean and warm room with shower. And I’ll do bbbj 69 DFK for you, also we will have passionate sex.
only 250/30mins
New Hot Asian TS Sweet Alice
Hello handsome guys,
I am Alice, 24 years transsexual ladyboy with petite and slim body, gorgeous feminine looks, model in appearance with hot & sexy appealing features. All my customers are special to me. I am very friendly, passionate & affectionate in my service to my customers.
I will be your ultimate companion so if you are a customer to explore as a first timer or an experienced customer looking for an active shemale or fantasize to be top or bottom, I promise our time together for your every visit to be unrushed, fun filled & unique experience to make you visit again & again.
Where: I live at Olympic Park in a very secure, private and discreet location.
Also available: outcall, overnight, dinner / function companion & couples services. Please contact me by mobile "0452 317 831" or Wechat/Line ID "iamsweetalice" for a quote.
I look forward to meeting you soon.
🔥 GFE That’ll Leave You Weak for Days
I’m taking a break from study to have some fun, make some coin and give you a GFE that’ll ruin you for anyone else.
Tiny waist, soft curves, smooth skin and a face you’d fall for instantly. My hazel eyes? Pure trouble the kind that teases, pulls you in and makes your mind go blank.
I always look like a goddess for you and I give proper service the kind that makes you feel like a king while I kiss, tease, grind and get you completely hooked on me 💋
Cute Japanese 🇯🇵 babe fake no pay
Hi guys. I’m new here.
young and beautiful, 😻
very sexy dress and warm welcome you
Yukirn🇯🇵F cup Pretty Barbi 😍My hot body is waiting for you !😘 Busty and HOT !! IN/OUT
Hi, Guys! My name is Yukirin
I am Japanese with a Busty, slightly curvy body oh and did I mention I have a nice rack?
I am naturally gorgeous charming and active My Curvy figure and smooth skin will send you to heaven and back. I have a sexy body with a perfect curve, Tight ass and huge boobs. I promise you will not be disappointed and you will addict to my innocent eyes. I can be very naughty with the right company in bedroom.
I give an amazing , I like facials, and dressing up and lots of other naughty things.
Let me be your playmate n spend quality time with you and provide you with a GFE can be only one Asian woman if you are looking for some great time and then see a beautiful girl . I will actively meet your requirements. I am what you need! I will never let you down . ♡
Can't wait to see you soon babe !!
NATURAL DD PLAYFUL. CUTE PRETTY LOVES FUN
Hi Everyone.
Hope you have a good day. If you looking for genuine pretty girl who offer passionate girlfriend experience.
CALL ME. I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.I AM NOT FAKE.NOT A TIME WASTING GIRL.I LIKE TO BE FAIR.
I am Erika.fresh faced with very busty breasts and petite body. My body is wonderland which I know you will love :) I have super cute smile.
I have all natural DD Breasts with kissable nipples, I'm known to give the best reliefs and will leave you wanting more.
I give pleasure in a slow,unhurried service. You will not be disappointed. We have a great time together. l have the right amount of shyness and a teasing look that will get you breathless in a flash.
I am open-minded, friendly and a cheeky girl. So how about let's explore and play with each others bodies together Tonight? ;)ENJOY YOUR HIGH TIME.
I offer GFE, passion and affection Service , Sexy lingerie and Stocking ,Relief , touching, cuddling , oil body rub.
I am experimental and open to exploring your desires and fantasies, I love to try new things!I also have lots of costumes ,feel free to ask me to put the one you like to become your doll girl!!!!!
Outcall 450 one hour fully included.No hiding cost
✨Asia’s No.1 Top Goddess Streamer Cocomi✨
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COCOMI BOOKINGS
STARTING NOW!
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Don't miss out on the exclusive collection.
Limited quantities available for early birds.
COCOMI IS HERE TO MAKE 🇦🇺 MEN GREAT AGAIN
As a man's best friend, I'm devoted entirely to you, until you’ve completely surrendered and left your mark all over me… that’s when I’m truly satisfied.
ABOUT ME💅🏻
⟡ Feminine Presence · Soft Seduction · Natural Beauty ⟡
I’m CoCoMi — naturally feminine, sweet, and softly seductive.
No surgery, no fake promises — just smooth, soft skin, real curves, and a naturally peachy shape designed to captivate.
A rare, authentic presence — soft in energy, yet deeply magnetic in the way I move, speak, and exist.
ESSENCE💖
Firm, round, and achingly soft — a body crafted by nature itself, and an ass so delicious it feels like it was created just for a man’s hands, mouth, and deepest cravings. An ethereal embodiment of sensuality — a rare gift for discerning men who seek authentic pleasure. The Queen of Feminine Energy, exuding irresistible allure through a soft, enchanting voice and hypnotic eyes — a true womanly presence designed to captivate. Beyond private indulgences, I grace exclusive Asian platforms as a premium muse of beauty and elegance — radiating refinement, sophistication, magnetic charm. No explicit content — only poise, presence, and the art of subtle temptation.
EXPERIENCE👄
I offer a real, unhurried experience — private, relaxed, and fully present.
A space where there is no rush, no pressure, only comfort, softness, and genuine connection. Please read my ad carefully and follow the booking instructions below — messages that don’t follow may not receive a reply.
WELCOME🍌
I welcome respectful, clean, and sincere gentlemen who value real presence over performance.
I warmly welcome all kinds of clients, without judgment:
• First-timers, older gentlemen, or nervous newcomers
• Shy, socially anxious, or touch-starved souls
• Those who feel overlooked, invisible, or simply want to feel held
You don’t need to be perfect — only real.
RESERVATIONS📲
To make things smooth and easy, please include:
• Your name & age
• Ethnicity / background
• Which service number you’d like
• Your preferred time & date
Signature Experience List🏮
⟡ EAT MI ⟡🥨
1.Ass Worship Experience — 250 AUD
• Full access to admire and lick my soft, smooth, heavenly ass.
• Gentle worship session while you stroke yourself and savor every inch of my curves.
• No penetration, no full service — pure ass worship only.
⟡ TOUCH MI ⟡🦋🧏🏻♀️
2.Intimate Massage & Oral Play — 300 AUD
• Longer sensual full body massage.
• Sloppy blowjob included.
• You can touch my natural body, suck me, and eat my ass if you like.
• Highly interactive and intimate — feel, taste, explore.
⟡ FEEL MI ⟡💎
3.Full Service — 500 AUD
(advance booking required)
My ass is tight like a virgin — not every man gets to enter. It’s a privilege, not a given. Especially made for men with a real Asian craving — if you’ve got Yellow Fever, come worship the cure.
• Safe sex only.
• Seductive 69 — my mouth on you while you devour my peach.
• Bottom-only anal sex — slow, passionate, and tight.
• My firm, peachy, breathtaking ass will open up for you, squeezing you perfectly, pulling you deeper with every thrust, making you lose yourself in the purest, most natural pleasure.
• No rush. Unforgettable depth, warmth, and real physical connection.
⟡ SHOWER & SERVICE ⟡🚿
4.Soft Touch, Slippery Mouth — 350 AUD
• I undress you and bring you into the shower.
• I sponge you down slowly — chest, arms, cock, thighs, even between your cheeks.
• The hot water runs down while my hands take care of every inch.
• After the shower, I towel you off gently, starting from your back and ending between your legs.
• On the bed, I warm you up with a slow, sensual massage.
• Then we move into a 69 — you eat my ass while I take your cock deep in my mouth.
• I suck until you cum, slow and steady.
⟡ NIGHT QUEEN RITUAL ⟡✨
5.Who's Your Queen Tonight? — 390 AUD
• I become your Asian goddess — sensual, strict, soaked in perfume and lace.
• You kneel at my feet and worship my soft, scented soles in sheer black stockings.
• My silky toes curl over your nose while you inhale me deep.
• I slowly sit on your face, and you tongue my hole like your life depends on it.
• Moaning softly above you, I let you stroke while I slide myself into your mouth.
• I whisper filthy things while your face is buried in heaven.
• I grind down, slow and steady — sweet punishment for your filthy little mind.
✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧
EXCLUSIVE
✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧
PREMIUM EXTENSION
⟡ COMING SOON ⟡🪩
BOOKING & LOCATION🏩
Private, discreet, clean in-call — Sydney
Call or text: 0480 601 856
No private numbers
No endless chatting
Serious bookings only
Respectful gentlemen only
TERMS & EXPECTATIONS⚠️
I offer my time, my presence, and my care with sincerity and intention.
I expect the same level of respect in return.
Rudeness, aggression, or lack of basic manners will not be tolerated.
You will be asked to leave immediately — no second chances.
STANDARD💌
I choose to spend my time with clean, respectful, and well-mannered gentlemen.
Those who understand that real pleasure comes from mutual respect, calm energy, and genuine chemistry.
FINAL NOTE🎐
If you treat me properly,
what you receive will be far deeper, softer, and more memorable than anything rushed or superficial.
💋JULY winter warmer special rates 💋
JULY WINTERWARMER SPECIAL
11am - 4pm
$250 for 30 mins GFE
Why hi there!
I'm Chloe...... think of me as your own personalised sex doll, who's experienced in making sure you get everything you desire..and more!
Come play with my fit little body....between my legs is pure heaven, I taste like honey with vanilla and so very very tight.
Along with the very XXX you will see the soft well mannered side of me too - My friendliness and laid-back attitude towards sex naturally provides a relaxed feel to the room.. I'm very open-minded meaning nothing ( within reason ) is off the table or too taboo...
I also enjoy intelligent conversation loving a little silliness occasionally and some dry humour to relax any nerves or break the ice 😊
Based in Lewisham - independent MILF - private modern air conditioned apartment. Discreet parking.
### 0482850707 ###
xx All bookings include natural french * xx
Extra services start from $50 but I recommend choosing the PSE, which includes all extras - See below 👄
MILF MASSAGE:
30 minutes: $300
45 minutes: $450
60 minutes: $500
And includes naked body slide, sensual or deep tissue massage, tongue teasing, shower together and a very pleasant ending with my mouth.
.
GFE PACKAGE:
30 minutes: $350
60 minutes: $600
And includes full service, multiple positions, sexy lingerie , teasing , BBBJ, rimming,COB, Kissing, cuddling, toys, oral on me,( daty ) and of course 69 x
PSE PACKAGE:
30 minutes: $600
60 minutes: $1000
And includes full service, all of gfe plus Anal sex , anal play, rimming, CIM, CIMWS, COB , toys, Deep Throat, DFK, Dirty talk, Face fucking, rough sex, hair pulling, spanking, role play.
NETFLIX AND CHILL:
60 minutes: 350
2 hours: 600
4 hours: 1200
and includes hanging out and talking and watching telly and kissing and cuddling. Basically, the GFE without the sex.
SEX BY VIDEO:
$200 : 15 mins via WhatsApp or FaceTime and includes mutual self pleasure, squirting,toys on me, strip show, teasing, dirty talk, you tell me what you want me to do 💋
And because I’m so adorable, I will include my personal favourite sex tape for your collection so you get to keep a little piece of Chloe forever xx
DIGITAL XXX CONTENT FOR SALE
Contact to request: sex tapes , cum shots, gang bang content , bjs and my solo sluttyness available! Personal requests welcome!
PHONE SEX:
15 minutes : $150 and includes, phone call, texting and pics
MMF 3some:
Ph for rates and availability
MFF 3some:
.Ph for rates and availability
xxx...cum and play with me between the sheets...you will be left grinning ear to ear.....and very satisfied...xxx
Also, I require a small deposit of $50 in which I will forward my address upon receiving it.
Beem-it / payid / bank xfer / PayPal / cardless cash accepted - if you don’t feel comfortable paying a deposit please let me know. I’m sure I can bend the rules within reason.
other bits:
I have quarterly sexual health screenings
No price haggling
No private numbers
No natural sex
No refunds or partial refunds if you don’t finish.
$50 cancellation fee applies
Ubers both ways with Out Call
if you have seen me before you only pay what you have previously paid.
2nd visit grants $50 discount!
Any disrespectful or unsettling behaviour in my home will not be tolerated and booking ceased without refund.
* bbbj : with my discretion
----------------------------------
Web: chloexavier.com
ph: 0482850707
Welcome to my restaurant…
❤️ Entrée
Girlfriend Experience (GFE)
Full protected service with covered oral
Think: Delicious steak & 3 veg
60 mins — 400
😈 Main
Naughty Girlfriend Experience (NGFE)
Full protected service including BBBJ
Think: steak & 3 veg, upgraded cut + hot sauce
30 mins — 350
60 mins — 500
⭐Pornstar Experience (PSE)
If you’ve seen it in a movie, then it’s probably included in my PSE
30 mins — 400
60 mins — 600
🚂 Party Train Xpress
complementary party favours includedShort on time? You shouldn’t have to miss out. Jump on board the fast tracked express train for a condensed Party Room experience.
1 hr — 800
🥂 The Party Room
2 hour party & play with full NGFE service and complementary party favours included
2 hrs — 1400
✨ 3 Hour Super Stay
Why the rush? Stay and play for a while with all party favours included
3 hrs — 1600
🏖️ The Weekday Wag
Remember wagging school? This is the grown-up version. Spend the day somewhere you’d rather be. complementary party favoursall day long!
9am to 5pm — 3000
🌙 Overnight Stay
Check in tonight. Check out tomorrow.
10pm to 6am — 4000
🍽️ Signature Degustation
A seven-course ultimate dick-a-station cockworship session that will make your eyes water! The table is set and your waitress eagerly awaits your arrival, excited to showcase some of the best cocksucking techniques around!
60 mins - 700
🥽 Holy Moley
The Ultimate Glory hole experience
30 mins - 500
🥽 The Ethical Xscort
Three hour blended journey combining high-tech VR and human touch, Unforgettable fun as it should be! 3 hour package including Everything and Everywhere
Three hours 3000
📱 Face-Time
Roleplay + fantasy. I’m your mother your sister your best friend‘s wife. No scenarios is taboo…. Let’s play
15 mins — 150
30 mins — 250
📍 Marrickville • Parking at door
💳 Cash or card
📱 — Text only 0405 913 193
Trans women who is the real deal ❤️
SYDNEY’s MOST ELITE AND PRESTIGE TRANS WOMEN IN THE UNIVERSE
BELLA
What is this whole experience all about well here a brief description from the moment of your inquiry till you arrive at the destination you will be treated kindly and with the same respect and energy you bring, I am far to honest and not driven by $$$ but let’s keep it professional on my level and especially on your level as discretion is given long as your respectful and paying for your time with me
I am located in the marrickville but more closer to enmore area in a discreet, safe, and cozy apartment where I can best welcome you.
I do not entertain individuals who are disrespectful so please only call me if you genuinely want to book some mutual fun and escape the world together I usually respond better with a phone call then text, if you are looking to party please don’t bother wasting my time and your time I will no longer entertain anyone who does any substance as I’m protecting my mental health and preparing for my next surgery, I’m very honest and those who have seen me and wasted my time do not contact me IT is VERY IMPORTANT YOU UNDERSTAND as I’m very direct and those who have tried you know exactly who you are!!
I am a straightforward and objective woman who places great importance on respect and courtesy. Please be direct and to the point, as I receive many messages every day. My time and dedication are reserved solely for polite and respectful clients, and I speak good English for optimal communication.
(Attention) My profile is not for everyone; my time and dedication are reserved for high-level, respectful clients, as I prefer quality over quantity. So, if you are looking for an exceptional experience in every sense, please call or send me a message.
I have no taboos, and everyone who chooses to share an intimate moment with me never regrets it.
If you are tired of the same old routine, desire something different, and are willing to pay for it, you have come to the right place.
My motto is: I am like a Bentley and not everyone wants to have me, but only the chosen few they can afford and be correct just know that when you are getting service with me I can assure you it’s above the rest and I am confidently the best
If you are a young man who can’t particularly afford my rate I am still willing to help you with a respectable amount set between isaa I want you to have the best experience but must be over 18
❤️❤️
Facetime booking
5min-$150
10min-$200
15min-$250
20min $300
Astrid - young nymph goddess
I am a woman of duality -
Kinky, promiscuous yet affectionate and loving
bold, strong yet sweet and kind
booking information at the bottom,
hair is currently long and dark brown Xx
message me for my only fans link
I have a bold aura, a powerful woman with a sharp intellect and deep perspective on life balanced with a bubbly, grounded, playful, free spirited energy. My grounded nature puts those around me at ease and makes even the most shy or reserved feel at home with me.
Im a nympho at heart, a lover of sex and all the things a part of it . Im eager to please you and to be pleased, to experience the dynamic that unfolds between us, to learn what gets you ticking, to explore fantasies.
Im have long, elegant figure, I stand at 6ft ( not to worry if your shorter then me, I don’t consider gender roles including the idea that the man has to be taller )
I have a petite figure with feminine curves, seductive long legs with thick thighs leading you up to a peachy generous ass, - a arching back, a thin waist pouring out to my sexy wide hips. Im adorned with creative tattoos, wide blue eyes and the face of a model.
I love sex, I feel confident in it so as long as our time together is respectful and follows consent youll have a wonderful time with me.
I offer a wide range of services from casual engagements all the way up to kink services, Im open to exploring your fantasies.
you’ll be daydreaming of our time together for weeks after X
SERICES
SOCIAL booking
nice conversation and connection - $500 PH
Take me on a nice date or just hang out at my place, this includes party bookings
GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE booking
A sensual night of fun. This service includes -
French Kissing
Body kissing
Touching my body
Fingering / clit play
Hand job
Natural oral on me
Protected oral on you
Sex in many positions
Cuddling
Massage
30 mins - 400
45 mins - 550
1HR - 700
2Hr - 1300
3Hr - 1900
DELUXE booking
A deluxe GFE booking with spice. this service includes
French Kissing
Body kissing
Shower together/ shower foreplay
Touching my body
Fingering / clit play
Hand job
Natural oral on me
Natural oral on you, spicy BJ included - tongue play / spitting
Sex in many positions
Light spanking
Cuddling
Massage
45 mins - $650
1Hr - $900
2Hrs - $1700
( outcall + $100ph )
Dinner and desert - $3000
A dinner date at a nice restaurant, followed by a night of sexual fun ( 3.5 hours- 1 hr dinner, 2.5 hrs standard booking )
all night - $4000
From 6pm, including 2.5 hours of booking time, spend all night having fun with me !
All night social booking - $2500
Want a beautiful unique young woman as the plus one to your work party/ event? Your friends wedding?
Buy my underwear, 2 days of wearing - $200
bath water - $100
EXTRAS
Natural oral - $100
Kinky BJ - $200 ( natural, spitting, DT, tongue play)
Ball play - $100 ( licking / handling )
Anal - $400
Body licking - $50
Cum on body - $150
Kink extras - Enquire within
Dom experience - enquire within
I do not offer natural sex, please dont bother asking.
not comfortable with any role play of incest or sexual violence. I also don't do 69
If there’s something specific you’d like to do with me you didn’t see listed above please enquire with me :)
As long your request is within the bounds of consent and safety, Im open to hearing out your fantasy !
BOOKING
Please email, text or watts app me the following information,
-Your name
-Incall or outcall
-The booking type and length your after
-Date and time you’d like to meet
-Location
-Any questions / enquiries you might have
each booking requires a deposit to hold your time.
I do not offer refunds on our booked time together.
clients that organize the booking ahead of time with me have a far greater chance of seeing me .
CONTACT
phone/ wattsapp: 0400684391
I value discretion, safety and privacy; our time together is truly ours only. I expect respect in regard to my privacy and digression in the same way i respect yours.
Korean party girl Nat and kinky sev incall/outcall avalible now!
Kathy new arrived in Sydney ,good sev and hot body with passionate sev!
My GFE includes Deep Kissing, Oral both ways, Lovingly Cuddling like it was only us, Erotic Massage, Body-to-Body Rubbing, 69, Multiple Sex positions, Doggy Style (Nicely Curved Bum for padding when you pound me), role playing (student, office, nurse, teacher), ball licking, rimming on me, passionate LIP kissing, licking my vagina, cum on boobs, multiple cumming (1hr + bookings)
We can do PSE/PARTY EXTRAS JUST SMS ME IF YOU WANT THIS.
I got REAL PICTURES HERE I SHOW HALF MY FACE AND THE REST I AM SURE YOU CAN SEE I AM THE sexy age I CLAIM I AM...YOU'LL BE WEAK AT YOUR KNEES WHEN I OPEN THE DOOR TO INVITE YOU TO MY C CUP Cleavage/TREASURE CHEST, FLAUNTING TIGHT DANCER like BODY AND SMACKABLE BUT CUTE ASS.
I dont offer Anal sex please dont ask!
PARTY FUN GIRL.STRIP DANCER
hi gentlemen, SMS OR CALL.
My photos are recently took by myself.not professional.You get what you see.
I love pleasing people and will go the extra mile to suit your needs. I offer the full, deluxe girlfriend experience as well as being open to your kinks and sexual dreams.
My body is curvy and fills out lingerie and form fitting clothes beautifully. I have all natural C cups which are soft and are made for kissing, touching and admiring. My lips are full, pouty and perfect for either kissing you or fulfilling your fantasies in other ways.
Let me indulge your sensual and sexual fantasies. Although new to this, I am a very skilled and creative lover and will spoil you. I am what most men love. curvy, sweet, feminine, sexy and very friendly. I have been told I have an adorable personality. I hold all clients to a high standard of behaviour and respect, as you expect of me also. Now is the opportunity to spend time unrushed, unclothed and heavy breathing with me…
STATS:
Height: 5'5
Dress size: 6-7
Boobs: Yes, handful
Eyes: Hazel
Hair: Naturally thick and long, brunette.
All prices listed are non-negotiable.
A taste of the forbidden. Dare to indulge
Hi , I’m Kelly
Here are a few bio examples for a hot Asian trans escort profile:
Short , Sweet and down to earth.
services include:
* Choice 1: "Exotic beauty, discreet ORAL pleasure. DM for inquiries."
* Choice 2: "A touch of the Orient Erotic Massage . Let's explore."
Detailed and Inviting:
* Choice 3: My delicate features, supple curves, and insatiable passion
Full services .
Option 1: 15 mins $ 80 relief Oral fun
Option 2: 30 mins $ 150 Erotic Massage /happy ending fun.
Option 3: 15 mins full service $100
Option 4: 30 mins full service $ 200
Option 5: 45 mins full service $250
Option 6:1 hour full service $300
Message me please
-Don't answer phone calls,just SMS messages, please
-not into long sexy texting or private number.
- Let me know any requirements that we can agree on
Thank you xx
Voluptuous VIolet BBW...: Natural bj included in every 30mins FREE GFE with every hour booked
I love making men cum, it's my favourite thing. My tits are huge (F cup) and my curves scream grab me... If you're a tits and curve man then you'll love me. Let me blow you while you suck on my tits to the point that I'll probably explode. If you give me some precum I'll be extremely impressed and probably have to lick it off. You'll be busting to fuck me after all of this I can guarantee...
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