It is based on interviews with one thousand participants about their sexual fantasies. The conclusion is that if it is Taboo, it rocks someone’s boat. The author basically concludes that the dark side of our minds, the side responsible for shame/guilt, anger and fear seem to be the most prevalent emotional triggers when placed against sexual fantasies.
This seems to make sense when we look at the highly taboo sexual fantasies that not only seem to worry us the most, but it is clear they are the most highly charged in terms of sexual arousal. Let me explain with examples.
We love our partners, we may really love having sex with them due to the deep connection and the familiarity their body and responses may be. However, do we fantasise often about the same sex we have with them? Not usually. Sure, a recent frolic may render a tingle when recalled, but no huge rush of lust and adrenaline in most cases.
When we are alone sometimes very strongly arousing thoughts come into our mind. One of the most common for men is that they are watching their wife have sex with another man. At the base of this very conflicting fantasy which may be devastating in real life, is the fear that he is sexually inadequate, and of the humiliation (shame) he faces if he were cuckolded or the furious rage he would fee upon coming across his wife in bed with another.
Incest fantasies are another taboo that you can see a lot of on the internet although in real life not many people think this is ok. It is because of this very fact of widespread social condemnation and the resultant shame that it has such a hold of erotic power.
For women, one of the most erotic fantasies is sex with a stranger. This goes against all codes of appropriate female behaviour. Rape fantasies are a way of saying, ‘I was powerless to his sexual desire,” as male desire is a huge turn on for many women. No one wants to be raped that’s for sure, but many get off thinking about it.
So in your private life if your partner is open to some role play on taboo topics, remember it is playtime. It is a safe way to express some deep desires and sharing them can often bring a couple closer, but do it with open communication and an open heart. Afterall variety is the spice of life.
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